The public is finally getting what it has asked for - free unlimited data, no early termination fees, six-month upgrade cycle and more by Verizon Wireless, AT&T, Sprint and T-Mobile.
An unreliable source told Wimonews, "The carriers felt guilty making so much money and decided to pay back their customers."
"I'm thrilled with the unlimited data," said April Foolishini, "But what is was even more exciting is that I had my choice of a free Samsung Galaxy Nexus, Samsung Galaxy S III , Droid RAZR MAXX, Droid Fighter, HTC One X or iPhone."
"I'm impressed. Because I am an enterprise corporate buyer, they gave me three thousand free BlackBerry Storm units and one BlackBerry Bold, " said Andy Droid.
To make the offers even sweeter, the carriers also announced total portability, meaning you could keep your phone number, and change to Sprint, AT&T, Verizon or T-Mobile, depending on your mood for any period of time with no activation or early termination fees.
"I dont' mind paying my monthly bills, now," said Ridiculoso in an AT&T forum.
"We have proven that every humanoid including two-month-old babies needs his/her own iPhone," an iPhoney spokes-Tweet, exclaimed, "Now it's become a reality!"
Another major change is that Apple, Samsung, Motorola, HTC and Sony have promised to let us know the what smartphone models they are planning, all the features, and the exact release date in advance, thwarting the need to have leaked photos, screenshots and new models in Cellbrite systems.
Android and iOS updates will be instantaneous across all carriers once the update is released.
Another breaking technology has been added to new smartphone releases, endless battery life. Your battery will now stay charged forever and you never have to plug it in again.
These manufacturers have also promised to increase the wages to workers at Foxconn and other factories in China to meet SEIU wages, paying $22.83 an hour, health care and benefits. The workers will be provided luxury two-bedroom apartments with built-in Jacuzzi bathtubs. Staff will be massaged and treated to acupuncture once a week. Free yoga classes and gourmet meals will be offered on the Foxconn campus.
The CEOs of all the aforementioned companies agreed to donate their salaries to charity.
What's the glitch? Well, the cost of wireless voice calls will be increased to $432.47 a minute.
Spokespersons for Verizon, AT&T, Sprint, T-Mobile, Apple, Samsung, HTC and Sony declined to comment or even laugh.